Thursday, August 9, 2012

WHY?


Sometimes I am angry, sometimes I feel sorry for Aubree, sometimes I feel sorry for myself. Sometimes I cry over it all!  Why her?  Why MY baby girl?  Why can I not just make macaroni and cheese and call it lunch for all the kids? Why can we not stop and pick up a quick pizza on the way home because I am exhausted and don’t want to cook? Why an Ice Cream social instead of a fruit social? Why do I have to take these extra precautions? Do other people understand how easy they have it?

To me, those are normal feelings. Having a 3 year old that is Severely allergic to Milk, peanuts, wheat, eggs and soy is no easy task.

There is a lot of daily prep that goes along with having that many allergies. Her “special” food is much more expensive than the normal stuff, can’t be bought at all grocery stores and also tastes much different. We could not possibly cut all of those foods out of our house completely. Therefore, I do a lot of double cooking. Our kind AND Aubree’s kind.  That means 2 kinds of pizza, two kinds of cookies, two kinds of spaghetti, two kinds of so many different foods. Most of the time she eats a variety of what we are having.  For example, she can have meat loaf (oatmeal not crackers) make her a small one that does not have egg in it. She can have plain potatoes…but no milk, butter, cheese, sour cream….just plain ole potatoes. If I am making cheesy potatoes for the rest of the family, I will just make sure to take hers out before adding cheese and other non-Aubree safe foods. What if she is SUPER hungry today and I don’t save her out enough?  Making 100% sure not to cross contaminate anything. Utensils, ect. I could spend $4 on a single can of her kind of chicken noodle soup. Be so excited because it is something new and different. Then she won’t even touch it because she is 3 and they can often be finicky eaters. …..SIGH!

Here is just another example of what we deal with ….Hallie just started Kindergarten. I got information about her Open house in the mail…Come meet your teacher and have an Ice Cream treat. My mind immediately thinks about Aubree. She wants to go to the Open House too and see where her big sister is going to be every day.  I DON’T want to go there and everyone else is eating ice cream and her just watch. How horrible would that be? If you have a little child, think what would my kid do in that situation? See everyone eating a yummy treat like ice cream, sorry honey you can’t have any……Most kids that are three would throw  a fit until you gave in and gave it to them. I CAN’T just give in and give it anyway. It could be her life. Since I had advance warning about the ice cream I could make arrangements. I emailed her teacher to find out what the treats would be. Fudge pops, ice cream sandwiches, and drum sticks. I was determined to bring her something similar. Her wonderful Nana found her kind of fudge pops. So I wrapped that fudge pop up in a bunch of ice packs and put in a small container to help keep it frozen. That way my baby girl could have an ice cream treat like all the other young kids.  What if I didn’t know they were serving ice cream?? We would have been in that situation someone would not be happy. I could not let any of my kids have an ice cream treat because Aubree couldn’t. I am sure they would be disappointed Hallie understands, Keegan does not. But they would still see all the other kids with it. Or I could let Hallie and Keegan have one and Aubree not because it is not safe. Then I am sure she would be disappointed. I would have been in a no win situation. We are in situations SO very often. It is just not fair.

 It is a completely different life than we had 4 short years ago. There is no I don’t feel like messing with it today. EVERY.SINGLE.DAY….NO exception.  

 Almost 4  years later it is still hard and I still ask myself all of those same questions. But as time goes on and Aubree is growing up, she has that little spunky personality and is MY little girl. I know the answers to some of those questions.

GOD chose US for Aubree and AUBREE for us!

She is MINE!  I will go to great lengths for her. I will do everything in my power to make her feel special and loved. I will keep her safe. Make her feel included. Her Allergies have shaped her into the little girl that I love so much. Her Allergies have shaped me into the Momma that I am today. As hard as it can be at times I would NOT change it.  It helps make us, US! Aubree is smart and will do great things. Are some days hard? Yes! BUT that is OUR life and I LOVE our life!

I want to help others that are dealing with the similar issues. Aubree was given to me for a reason. I could put on a happy face and act like it is no big deal, a piece of cake, and never question why. But that is not real. That would not be real for anyone dealing with multiple food allergies. I like real. I want others dealing with similar things to not feel alone. It IS overwhelming and hard, but not impossible!

One of Aubree’s new favorite songs : FOOD ALLERGIES ROCK

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